DEAR MISS MANNERS: Christmas cards ... why bother?
I am getting more and more disenchanted, as they seem to have lost their meaning. I am tempted to boycott, but it would defeat the point I'm making.
I am a faithful card writer with family updates and pictures every year. I hand-write my envelopes, sign my name and always include a personal message. Why then, does it seem this is only important to ME?
My friends and family are all reduced to a preprinted photo in an envelope ... no signature, no greeting, no heartfelt hello. Many times, even my address is on a sticky label. There is no personal touch anymore.
I am a person who values keeping in touch with friends. Christmas cards are often the only time to catch up with some of them. I look forward to holiday mail, like everyone else, and have been repeatedly disappointed in everyone's lack of spirit and genuine good cheer.
Yippee, another picture without a note.
While I appreciate the photos, I have no idea how people are doing or feeling, where they've traveled or what they've done. No life updates. I feel like just "number 23" on their card list. People just don't care anymore and I don't get it. It feels like I'm not worth their time.
Are we outdated? Reduced to e-mail and text messages, and no sincere greetings anymore? How do I tactfully tell everyone to get with the program, make the time and send me a message that I'll be excited to read?
GENTLE READER - Outdated? To expect a few personal words from friends in an era where people spill all their thoughts and secrets on blogs open to strangers and e-mail all their photographs to every address they can get their hands on?
Miss Manners is afraid so. They probably have nothing left to tell.
And she doubts that they will profit from your example. By the time they're up to 23 on the list, they're exhausted from all that effort of stuffing envelopes, and they have a long list left of people who will echo your "Yipee" on receiving their meaningless mailings.
So she suggests beating the crowd -- or lagging behind it. If you get out a letter full of questions before they get to their joyless chore, some might think to jot down answers in their cards. Or if you respond later to Christmas cards, asking for news about the people in those pictures, you might get some answers. By text mail, perhaps.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had the honor of being my friend's maid
of honor in her wedding a few weeks ago and took the role very seriously. As her "something borrowed," I offered her a bracelet my husband had bought for me -- my favorite piece.
Is it appropriate for me to ask for it back, or is it considered a part of her trousseau now?
GENTLE READER: Of course, you should ask for it back. Miss Manners assures you that it would be a favor to your friend for two reasons. First, the bride has probably merely forgotten, in the confusion of the festivities, to return it, and would be grateful to be reminded. Second, if you let her keep it, you will have deprived her, retroactively, of the lovely tradition of having worn "something borrowed." It would have become something purloined.
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