(EDITORS Be advised that the first letter in this column deals with matters of a sexual nature. While the language used is not graphic, the subject may be offensive to some readers.)
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We happen to live in a part of the country where it is not at all uncommon for long-time married people to engage in brief, recreational affairs with other long-time married people.
From time to time, I have been approached for this purpose by members of our social-neighborhood-PTA-corner market set; I have politely demurred, with no hard feelings and continued goodwill. The etiquette of that conversation, I am proud to say, is not the subject of my letter.
Rather, I wonder how to conduct an ongoing relationship with the person thereafter, particularly as it takes place in a close-knit community that includes my spouse. Sometimes the person in question (or, shall we say, the PIQ) is a guest at my home, or the parent of one of my children's friends.
I cannot be angry. After all, the person did not intend to damage my marriage, only to seek discreet diversion in a setting which, as I'm sure the PIQ sees it, is safe for this purpose precisely because all of us are so firmly ensconced in the folkways of our community. Both the PIQ and myself are wholly comfortable simply ignoring the matter, just as one would ignore a broken platter at a dinner party. Should I be?
GENTLE READER: Why not? If the community is as blithe as you say, and not a seething cauldron of marital accusations and disappointments like the rest of the country, all of you must be practiced in the art of ignoring the obvious.
Miss Manners assures you that this is the only civilized and considerate thing to do after declining such attentions. A lady or gentleman takes the position that the person in question was carried away, drunk or otherwise acting out of character, and pretends it never happened. Any winking reference to this person being a failed seducer is not nice.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I have relatively good table manners, I seemed to miss the lesson about how not to let food eaten from a fork drip sauce onto my clothes.
When eating pasta at a restaurant, I managed to get not one, not two, but four tiny drops of olive oil on my brand-new silk shirt. After spearing a couple of pieces of penne, I tried brushing them on the side of the bowl, then holding them above the bowl for a little while to let the excess oil (and there was much excess) drip off of them. I then sort of pushed my neck forward, but this didn't do the trick.
Is it OK to just tuck a napkin in my neckline? Bring a plate quite close when I'm eating? What are my options?
GENTLE READER: Not wearing silk when you are going to eat greasy food. Picking restaurants that go easy on the olive oil.
If you are unwilling to make these sacrifices, Miss Manners suggests putting a bit of bread on the side of your plate and parking the dripping morsel on that until it is fit to be lifted. And keeping handy a scarf that you can fling over the damage to your wardrobe.
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