DEAR ABBY: Eight years ago, I split from my fiance of 30 years, "Anthony," when he accused me of cheating, which I was absolutely not doing. Throughout the entire relationship, he hurt and belittled me. He is insecure and always suspicious. However, he remains attached to my family through my daughter and grandsons, which I am not happy about.

I live across the country now and recently took a trip home to visit my family. I have two sisters. Coincidentally, my niece's 40th birthday party was being held that Saturday. Nobody knew I was coming, so it was a surprise. But it turns out the real surprise was on me.

When we sat down to eat, one sister (my niece's other aunt) turned to me and said, "I'm gonna tell you something, and I don't want to hear anything about it. Anthony and I are in a relationship." You can imagine how that went over. Not only did she ruin our niece's birthday party, but I feel betrayed by that sister.

I have contacted her by text and email telling her how I feel, but she doesn't respond. Right now, I have no desire to talk to her or have any kind of relationship with her. I think she sees dollar signs since he has money, but it's not right to date your sister's ex because it breaks the "sister code." What is your advice on this situation? -- BETRAYED SIS IN WYOMING

DEAR BETRAYED SIS: You may have had the longest engagement in history. Wish your sister better luck in their "relationship" than you had, because if your ex is as you described, she's going to need it. If you feel she violated a "sister code," then it appears that when money enters the picture, the code is obsolete.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of eight years is from Africa, and we have a 1-year-old daughter. I am white. My wife is Black and 29 years younger than I am. She was raised not to celebrate Christmas. She says it's because it is associated with pagan rituals coming from satanic worship in old times. She doesn't want our daughter exposed to this even though she lives in the U.S., where Christmas is a valued tradition, bringing people together with good cheer for generations.

My wife has no desire to compromise on this and is willing to leave the marriage over it. I feel like she thinks she can roll over me with no consequences. Should I start looking for a divorce attorney? -- TRADITIONALIST IN TEXAS

DEAR TRADITIONALIST: Your wife is convinced she is doing the right thing and protecting her child by not celebrating Christmas. Although I tried, I was not able to find any association between a pagan religion that preceded Christmas and Satanism. Rather than look for a divorce attorney at this point, you might be better served to consult a marriage counselor as well as a religious adviser from the denomination to which your wife belongs.

DEAR ABBY: My close friend "Annie" came to my father's funeral. She had met him only a couple of times. While I realized she was doing it to be there for me, I felt responsible for her since she knew no one there. I had her sit with me, but I was trying to deal with friends and family I hadn't seen in a long time. I ended up unable to talk with everyone as the funeral was very emotional. I appreciated her coming, but I wished she hadn't been there.

I prefer to avoid funerals because I become emotional. Unless it's immediate family, I prefer to remember the deceased the way they were and keep those images as my last memories.

My dilemma: Annie's mom is having health issues, and the time will come when she passes. I have met her a few times, but we are not close. I feel I should go to the funeral to be there for Annie as she was for me, but I would prefer to remember her mom as she was. So, do I go for her sake and end up an emotional wreck, or get together with her a few days later, just the two of us, which is what I wish she had done for me? -- SAD EITHER WAY IN THE EAST

DEAR SAD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. I can only imagine how emotional you and your family must have been at that funeral. Annie meant to be supportive, and I don't think it would be helpful to point out that her presence distracted you from talking with the many relatives who had gathered.

I do think you need to ask Annie those questions. ("Do you need me to be present for emotional support at your mother's services, or would you prefer we get together -- just the two of us -- a few days later?") They are important. Take your cues from her reaction, but be prepared for the fact that when it actually happens, her feelings may be different.

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old daughter, "Emma," has a group of six to eight friends she has played with at school, in scouts, parties, etc., for more than three years. Eight months ago, one of the girls, "Charlotte," had a sleepover, and Emma was not invited. She was very hurt and cried. I told her she would not always be invited to everything and maybe there was a limit Charlotte could invite.

Since then, whenever there is an event that Emma knows Charlotte will be at, my daughter refuses to go. For eight months she has purposely skipped some parties and scouting events. Otherwise, they all seem to still hang together at school. How can I help my daughter understand she is only hurting herself? -- EMPATHETIC MOM IN OHIO

DEAR MOM: It is time your daughter was taught that she doesn't have to "like" everyone she socializes with -- however, she may need to get along with them. If she can absorb that lesson, it will benefit her as she goes through school and beyond. Tell Emma you hate seeing her punish herself, thinking it will hurt Charlotte, when Charlotte may not notice her absence at all. Although Emma is just 11, the time has come for her to do some growing up.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is embarrassing to write. When calling in a fast-food order, my husband wants me to ask the price of each item and becomes upset if they vary from the online menu price. I understand that in this economy, there are bound to be increases.

One day, the difference was about $5. Because I didn't question it, a heated argument ensued. He said, "Just forget it!" (I called back and said my husband no longer wanted it.) These fast-food places are busy and short-staffed. I don't think it is right to bug them further. Also, I had a stroke and can't do fast math in my head. We have the money, or I wouldn't place the order.

I tried discussing the disagreement; he said I just want to be right. This has been a LONG 40-plus years that I've had with him. He was poor when he was growing up, but we are no longer poor by any means. It's his controlling behavior that I hate. His reaction is always the same: "Why don't you walk away? Leave!"

I know he reads your column. Maybe you can help. I know I'm tired, and I think his behavior is emotionally abusive and controlling. He's 64 and too old to be acting like that. Unfortunately, he's been this way his whole life. I need help. -- TAKEOUT IN OHIO

DEAR TAKEOUT: It goes without saying that from now on your husband should be the one ordering the fast food. If he needs it to be a team effort, he can dictate the numbers for you to write down and add them up himself. I do not think his comments about your walking away and leaving him are helpful, unless he is this controlling in other aspects of your marriage. Remind him that if the root of your disagreements is money, a divorce would be far more expensive than marriage counseling. Then ask your doctor for a referral.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy your column and read it often. I feel compelled to comment on the letter from "Regretful in the Midwest" (June 11). I feel you didn't go far enough in regard to that letter from the mother of a transgender adult whose new co-worker made fun of transgender people in front of her and, presumably, others. Actions such as these are no longer tolerated in the workplace, and she should report it to her supervisor or human resources if there is another occurrence. (She could even do it now.) She certainly does not need to disclose her personal situation. -- KEVIN H. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KEVIN: Thank you for writing. The comments I received about that letter were informative. Many readers informed me that the term I used in reference to trans people -- gender identity disorder -- is outdated and no longer in use. With the American Psychiatric Association's publication of DSM-5, the term was eliminated and replaced with "gender dysphoria," articulating explicitly that gender nonconformity is not a "disorder." I should have known better. Mea culpa.