04/05/2009DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old, divorced woman who is planning to remarry soon. My ex-husband and I are still friendly and get along well.
Would it be inappropriate to ask him to walk me down the aisle? My father is dead, and my mother feels the task should fall to a significant male. I would like to ask him, but I am not sure how he'll react or if my fiance will approve of the idea. Any suggestions? -- SECOND TIME AROUND
DEAR SECOND TIME: Yes. Before going any further, discuss it with your fiance. While it is admirable that you and your ex are still on friendly terms, your fiance might find it troubling to have his bride "handed-off" to him by her first husband. Then, because you are independent, consider walking yourself down the aisle, or ask your mother if she would like the honor.
DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s and have a friend, "Logan," who is in his early 30s. We go out to dinner every so often to catch up. When the server asks how the check should be split, Logan quickly says to put it all on one check -- and before I know it, he has already paid for both of our meals.
I have told him before that I'd like to pay for some of our meals or, at least, be allowed to pay for my own -- but his response is always that I'm young and in college and he is working.
I appreciate the gesture and his concern, but I feel a little insulted that someone would think I'm unable to take care of myself. It also makes me feel a little guilty when he always grabs the check. Is there something I can do to assuage my conscience without insulting my friend? -- YOUNG, BUT NOT PENNILESS, CIRCLEVILLE, OHIO
DEAR NOT PENNILESS: Before you go out with Logan again, explain that while you appreciate his generosity, you would prefer that he allow you to pick up the check for two reasons: one, because you are financially able to do so, and two, because the situation is making you uncomfortable.
Alternatively, when you and Logan are seated, rather than waiting for the server to ask how the check should be divided, instruct the server that the check is to be given to you.
DEAR ABBY: I have had several recent experiences of needing to grab only a few items and quickly check out of a store, only to find the express lane -- which is supposed to be for shoppers with 10 items or less -- occupied by someone with an entire cartload of items.
What is the proper etiquette in this situation? Should I say nothing and allow my time to be wasted by people who think they are entitled? Should I mention it to the store manager or say something to the cashier in the presence of the offender?
Should I bite my lip or bring it to someone's attention? As a former cashier, I feel it is the responsibility of the cashier working the express lane to regulate who comes into it, but the cashiers seem oblivious or apathetic. -- FRUSTRATED SHOPPER IN IDAHO
DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree that it should be the responsibility of the cashier to enforce the rules -- and where I live, many of them do it effectively. However, because those in the store you patronize are unwilling to risk confrontation, mention your frustration to the manager. It is possible that the cashiers need more training.
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