DEAR ABBY: After 34 years of marriage, I realized that I must "earn the right" to have sex. This morning I agreed to go to a particular movie my wife wants me to see with her in exchange for sex.
I now recognize that this trading started years ago, and I just let it slide. But now I realize that what I call "trading for favors" has entered other aspects of our relationship: "Do this for me, and I'll do that for you."
I have a pretty thick skin, but more and more, I'm concluding this is a game that I'd rather not play. Can you give me any advice as to where we can go for help? I have no problem involving her in any solution. -- MUST EARN THE RIGHT
DEAR MUST EARN THE RIGHT: I agree that your wife must be a part of the solution to your problem. Because the old "pay for play" no longer suits you, the place to seek help would be the office of a licensed marriage counselor. I wish you luck, because decades-old dynamics can be hard to change.