DEAR ABBY: My best friend of more than 20 years is a busy person. She has a demanding job, a husband, two children and extended family she cooks for on most holidays. She also cares for an elderly distant relative. She has a heart of gold and is wonderful to me and my family.
When I'm invited to her house for dinner, she refuses to let me help her clear the table. I'm not happy with that, but I accept it. The problem arises when I invite her over for dinner. Because we don't get to visit often, I'll pile the dishes in the kitchen so I can spend time with her and wash them later. But she cannot sit still and just have a conversation with me or anybody. You will find her in the kitchen scraping plates, soaking pans and hand-washing the wine glasses.
This has become a point of contention because I like to unwind and clean my kitchen after my guests have left. I have tried working with her, but she prefers to power through the mess by herself, which gives us less time to sit and talk. How can I get through to her? -- ANXIOUS IN NEW YORK
DEAR ANXIOUS: Assuming that you have spoken to your friend more than once about this, I think it's time to accept her the way she is, rather than the way you would like her to be. Some people are unable (notice I didn't say unwilling) to just sit still and have a conversation, and she appears to be one of them. If this is her only flaw, consider yourself blessed to have a sparkling kitchen when she leaves.