DEAR ABBY: Ever since I was young, which was not that long ago, I have known my parents' marriage wasn't a healthy one. But only recently has it begun to affect me emotionally. It isn't that I blame myself, but that I'm afraid of how my own romantic endeavors will fare.
Recently, I was told about my mother's infidelity. I was always curious and suspected that one or both of them had affairs. But now more than before, I worry about finding love. Love is something we all seek, and I believe we all need, but I don't see myself as able to handle that kind of heartbreak.
I understand why Mom did it -- that's part of what hurts me. I'm angry that they would masquerade a failure "for me," that failure being their "relationship." I think my anger is valid. My family has screwed me up emotionally and it started long before I knew what was going on. What should I do? -- SCREWED UP IN OREGON
DEAR SCREWED UP: When children are raised in a household where the parents' words and actions are different, they cope either by believing only what they are told (even if it contradicts what they see happening) or only what they see. While it can interfere with forming healthy relationships later in life, it's the way they keep themselves sane.
You are right to be concerned, and I hope you will discuss this with a licensed counselor or therapist because if you do, you will find it helpful.