DEAR READERS: It's time for my "timely" reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday, so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour before going to bed. (That's what I'll be doing.) -- ABBY
Woman's Second Job Is Good Money, but Bad Way to Live
DEAR ABBY: For the past year and a half, I have worked a full-time and a part-time job while attending school. I recently graduated from college and now have a career that has put me into a better financial position.
My problem is, I'm still working my part-time job. My boyfriend, "Jared," and I get into arguments over whether or not I should keep it.
I enjoy the extra cash, but I'm starting to feel like life is passing me by because I'm working seven days a week, usually 10 hours a day. I am exhausted, but Jared doesn't want me to quit.
Jared doesn't seem to understand that I feel left out when I work this much. I don't have time to see my family or visit friends, something I feel he takes for granted. Should I keep this job and keep Jared happy, or stand my ground and live life my way? -- EXHAUSTED IN IOWA
DEAR EXHAUSTED: At the rate you're going, Jared will work you into a state of collapse. I could understand his not wanting you to quit your part-time job if the two of you were saving for something special, but because you didn't mention that, I am assuming it isn't the case.
In order to have a happy, successful life, people need to achieve a balance between work and time to themselves. If Jared wants the extra income, then my view is that Jared should earn it.
Neglected Kids Need More Help Than Grandma Can Give Them
DEAR ABBY: I am in a quandary over a situation I don't have any legal rights over. A friend of mine has two grandchildren. The mother of the children is neglectful. She didn't take them to a pediatrician for two years. My friend baby-sits all the time and the kids know that she loves them, but she can't take care of them full time because she has health issues.
I think Child Protective Services needs to know what's going on with these kids. The little boy is very mean to animals and he's not yet 5. If CPS is called, they will take the kids away and put them in foster care that may be worse than what they are currently in, but without the love from their grandma. Is there any way to help these children without causing more emotional trauma to them and their grandma? -- CONCERNED IN TEXAS
DEAR CONCERNED: I'm not sure, but of this I am certain: That little boy desperately needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional -- the sooner the better. Children who hurt animals have been known to harm other children.
If Grandma can see that her grandson gets the help he needs, she should see that he gets it ASAP. However, if she can't, and the neglect he is suffering at the hands of his mother is what's causing him to take out his rage on animals, then Child Protective Services should be notified.
Past Abuse Causes Present Shame for Husband in Hiding
DEAR ABBY: A couple of years ago, I was arrested for domestic violence against my wife. We are still married, but since then, I have become antisocial.
I don't like to go to public gatherings where I know the friends we used to hang out with will be, and I rarely communicate with them. I am extremely embarrassed and feel they are judging me. What do I do? -- ANTISOCIAL IN OHIO
DEAR ANTISOCIAL: Stop hiding. You aren't "antisocial"; you are ashamed of what you did -- and that's a good thing. Many abusers lack that capacity, and because of it they are unable to change their behavior.
I assume that after your arrest, you received counseling and have been able to find outlets other than violence for your frustrations. If you have, let your friends know about it. True friends won't judge you -- and people who do are not friends.
DEAR ABBY: During a conversation with my daughter "Jessica," who is a graduate student, I mentioned that one of her teenage cousins who attends a nearby university is getting poor grades. Jessica replied that she wasn't surprised. She said she knows her cousin drinks and parties a lot. Jessica went on to say that "Kristin" asked her to buy liquor for her once, but she refused.
My daughter asked me not to tell my brother and sister-in-law what she said because she felt it would be betraying a confidence. I'm unsure what to do. On one hand, I know underage drinking is common. On the other, I would feel horrible if anything bad happened as a result of my silence. Should I tip them off or keep my mouth shut? -- TORN IN IDAHO
DEAR TORN: "Kristin" appears to be immature, and her priorities are misplaced. Her grades might improve if she lived with her parents while taking classes until her judgment improves.
Ask yourself this: If the situation were reversed and the girl with the problem were your daughter, wouldn't you want to be told? If the answer is yes, then notify your brother and sister-in-law.
DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do about my mother-in-law's unwelcome involvement in my home. She goes behind my back to rearrange furniture, buy decor "gifts" and take care of chores (often making things worse). Yesterday, I came home to find my dishes and silverware had been moved, new rugs and pillows in my living room, and my bedroom nightstand had been replaced!
I have asked her to please talk with me first, and have asked her to stop altogether. My husband stands with me, but she keeps doing it. I don't want to ban her from our home; my husband is her only child. Is there anything else we can do? -- HURT IN SANTA ANA
DEAR HURT: Your mother-in-law isn't trying to be helpful; she's trying to be the dominant female in your home. Stop "asking" and tell her to quit the accessorizing and rearranging because her efforts are not helpful and they are making you angry. Then collect the pillows, the nightstand, etc., and return them to her or donate them to a thrift shop. If she has a key to your house, get it back. She should also not be allowed in your house unless she's supervised.
A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: Tonight is the night when wee witches and goblins collect their loot. Please supervise them so they'll be safe. -- Love, ABBY
Bride's Best Friend Hesitates to Stand Up at Her Wedding
DEAR ABBY: My best friend is getting married. She left me a message asking me to be a bridesmaid. Of course I'm honored, but I don't know what to do. I dislike her fiance. He is disrespectful and mean to her and to their son.
I can't stand up with them and pretend to be happy for her when I think she's making a terrible mistake. I want her to marry someone who will be nice to her. Help! -- CONFLICTED IN MINNESOTA
DEAR CONFLICTED: If standing up with her will make you feel like a hypocrite, then don't do it. But recognize that if you don't, it will distance you from her. If your friend's relationship is dysfunctional now, just wait until after she and her fiance are married, because it isn't going to magically get better. This young woman is going to need all the support she can get from her friends in the years ahead.
Parents Play Second Fiddle In Thanksgiving Celebrations
DEAR ABBY: Every year, my children choose to attend Thanksgiving with their in-laws or friends rather than come to our home. Then they ask me to prepare a celebration the day after or another day.
My husband and I feel left out. It's plain that we are considered "second" and the kids come only because they feel guilty. Preparing a meal is expensive and time-consuming. We would like to celebrate on the actual holiday.
I think we should be treated with more respect. I also feel like telling these ingrates to stay home this year because we have decided to donate our time to a homeless shelter. Your thoughts? -- LEFT OUT IN LEXINGTON
DEAR LEFT OUT: I can see why your feelings are hurt. In fairness, I think your children should alternate with which in-laws they spend the holidays.
If you would prefer to make or serve Thanksgiving dinner at a shelter, you should do it. Many people volunteer their time during the holidays, and at other times during the year, and find it gratifying. However, when you inform your children about your plans, try to keep the anger out of the tone of your message.
Student With A Secret Objects To Teacher's Questioning
DEAR ABBY: I'm 11 and my dad is a drug addict. I'm not allowed to have contact with him because of his past choices. People would look down on me if they knew -- like my own teacher. She was being snoopy at the beginning of the year and asked me a bunch of questions about my family, and now I feel like she doesn't treat me the same. -- DISTURBED IN SPOKANE
DEAR DISTURBED: Your father's "past choices" are not your fault, and you should not be blamed or judged for them. If you haven't already told your mother that your teacher questioned you about your family at the beginning of the year, that you answered her honestly and now you feel you are being treated differently because of it, you definitely should. And your mother should discuss this with the teacher because the questions she was asking may have been appropriate.