DEAR ABBY: A friend and I were talking about how wimpy a lot of guys in our generation are. We're both in our mid-20s and seldom meet guys who take charge.
Several times we have met guys who said they'd call and set up a date. We know they're interested because they have told our friends they'd like to date us again. But then they don't call. Try as we might to give them chances to ask us out, they usually don't.
I know that traditional dating rules are often discarded, but I don't want to be the aggressor. Their being "scared" isn't an acceptable excuse, much less an attractive quality. Why do women so often have to do all the work nowadays or end up alone? -- PREFERS TRADITIONAL
DEAR PREFERS TRADITIONAL: Women do not have to do all the work in a relationship or risk remaining single for life. But they do have to shoulder a lot more of the responsibility than a generation ago as a result of the women's movement. (Yes, I know I'll catch "heck" for saying it.) As women have become more independent and aggressive, the old rules of romance have started to disappear.
Men aren't stupid. Their view is, "If women are willing to do the courting, why should men do it?" The guys you've described aren't wimps; their passivity hasn't turned other women off. Sending you messages through your friends instead of being direct and following through on their promises to call is business as usual for them. While their behavior may seem immature, it has worked for them before.
Don't give up hope. There are men who are interested in old-fashioned romance, but they are fewer in number. Be patient, keep looking and you'll find one.