DEAR ABBY: I have been a social worker in two skilled nursing homes for the past six years. I often hear visitors approach patients with dementia and say, "Do you know who I am?" or "Do you know who this is?" It's like giving the person with dementia a test, one which the person will often fail. It would be more effective to approach the person and say, "It is so nice to see you. I am (whomever) and knew you (in whatever circumstances)."
Persons with dementia do not need to be reminded that they don't recall something. Most of them know it. Even relatives -- brothers, sisters, sons and daughters -- may need to introduce themselves to their loved ones. Rather than giving the person with dementia a test when you visit, set up the visit to succeed by making simple introductions.
Remember, people who have dementia can remember things that happened a long time ago, but they may not recall what happened in the last five minutes. Visitors should talk about the "good old days" and everyone will experience a good visit. -- P.B. IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR P.B.: Because increasing numbers of individuals are being diagnosed with dementia, I hope your suggestion will be taken to heart by my readers. In cases like this, the visitor should expect to be the one who guides the conversation. It's important to keep visits positive, loving and stress-free.