Dear Abby

Bi Sexual Past Overshadows Couple's Close Relationship

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Donna," and I have shared a wonderful relationship for nearly three years. During her college days she had a sexual encounter with her best female friend. (They had been friends since high school.)

Although they graduated from college five years ago, they continue to see each other. Donna tells me that nothing sexual goes on between them. Personally, I don't trust her friend. Please help me get over this. -- TONY IN WHITTIER

DEAR TONY: Forget about not trusting Donna's longtime friend. Do you trust Donna? You have been together nearly three years and obviously, you talk about everything. Ask her if, after experimenting with her friend, she still has hankerings in that direction. If the answer is no, believe her.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a lady for the past few months. How do I tell her that I want out without hurting her badly?

I have tried a couple of times to end things, but she gets hysterical, starts crying and accuses me of wanting someone else, which is not true. Please give me some advice. -- IN A FIX, PASCAGOULA, MISS.

DEAR IN A FIX: If you want out, prepare yourself for her emotional reaction. As you can see, she does not take this kind of news well. Tell her again that you want to end the relationship. When she starts crying and accusing you of wanting someone else, hand her a tissue and tell her you think she's "great," but you're not ready to settle down with anyone right now.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband doesn't like to go to funerals. In the 25 years we have been together, I think he has only been to three -- and that was only because he had been asked to be a pallbearer. Fortunately, we haven't had to deal with many losses on either side of the family.

We were talking recently and he shared that he would not go to his own mother's funeral! They have a very close relationship, and he explained that he only wants to remember her in life, not in a coffin. I feel he should set aside his own uncomfortable feelings and be there for the rest of the family -- especially his brothers and sisters. What do you think? -- PAM IN SPRINGFIELD, OHIO

DEAR PAM: Your husband's feelings may change when the inevitable happens. However, whatever he decides -- and I cannot stress this strongly enough -- you should back him up, be there for him and not judge him.

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DEAR ABBY: I recently completed my first year of college. During the year, I met my current boyfriend. My goal this summer is to have him meet my parents. Because we live six hours apart, I thought it would be best if he stayed over at my parents' house -- in the guest room, of course.

My father objected to it, but said that if it were deemed acceptable by you, he would reconsider. What do you say, Abby? Is there really a problem with having one's boyfriend sleep over at one's parents' house? -- CURIOUS CO-ED

DEAR CURIOUS CO-ED: If the sleeping accommodations are as you have described -- and as long as there isn't any hanky-panky going on in the wee hours of the morning -- I see no problem with it.

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