DEAR ABBY: My husband, Rex, and I have been married 12 years and have two children, ages 11 and 7. Rex was married once before, while in his 20s, for a very short time. His first wife left him for someone else. (Thankfully, there were no children involved.)
Rex does not want our children to learn about his first marriage. He feels it represents a failure on his part, and he sees no reason why the children should be told. However, his ex-wife still lives here in town, and on a couple of occasions we have bumped into her at local restaurants. Rex was very uncomfortable during these encounters, and the children did not understand why.
My thought is to simply get this out in the open, but Rex refuses. I don't like keeping secrets from our kids, and feel that the longer we wait, the more our kids will feel betrayed by the secrecy. But I also want to be sensitive to my husband's feelings. How should we handle this? -- WIFE NO. 2 IN HOUSTON
DEAR WIFE NO. 2: Do not mention the subject. He may feel uncomfortable about it because he was the one who was left. If the kids hear about it elsewhere -- and they may -- be honest and tell them the marriage was long ago and very brief. If they want to know why they weren't told about it, tell them to ask their father. (I'm sure they'll forgive him once they understand.) Then, before your children can get to your husband, warn him that the cat's out of the bag so they don't catch him flat-footed.