DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in love with a man for the past 30 years -- from a distance. The timing was always wrong for us to be together, mainly because he is a bit of a player. I never totally waited for him. I got married and had a family, but he has stayed in my heart as “the one.” I know it’s horrible, but it’s true. Anyhow, recently he called us “spiritual husband and wife” and told me that he loves me more than any other woman in his life. What am I supposed to do with that? Saying these words doesn’t give us the kind of relationship that I have always wanted. It kind of makes me mad. He declares these things without accepting any responsibility or role in demonstrating this love. I don’t know what to do. I’m still married, though not particularly happily. But I don’t think this guy would be there for me like I need, even if I did leave. -- Not Enough
DEAR NOT ENOUGH: You need to let go of this man. Stop letting him pull your strings. It’s not fair for him to have your heart from a distance. Stop giving it to him. Focus on the life you have chosen. Right now, you are not being fair to your husband or yourself. It is not possible to find happiness in this way. Life is not a game, even if he seems to be playing one.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)