DEAR HARRIETTE: I try hard to stay away from the topic of religion when I’m with my in-laws, but I’m starting to realize how unavoidable this topic is. My husband comes from a very religious background, and I simply wasn’t raised to subscribe to any particular religion myself. I feel that my in-laws impose their views on me every time we see them. I also believe that they judge me because I do not believe in the same things that they do. I talk to my husband about how uncomfortable they’ve made me, but since those are the people who raised him, I feel that he is biased and only halfway understands why I’m so frustrated. What can I say or do? -- Religious In-Laws
DEAR RELIGIOUS IN LAWS: I hate to say this, but you knew who they were when you married your husband. It sounds like none of you has changed, but all of you wish that you had; hence the friction. Since you can only control yourself, make the decision that you will accept them for who they are and stop being affected by their proselytizing. Their way is to talk about their religion. Your way can become to change the subject, excuse yourself from the conversation and remark only on the topics that stir you the most. In other words, agree to disagree with them on particular points.
If you and your husband are considering having children, you should talk about how you will raise them. It is highly likely that your in-laws will push hard to have your children reared in their religious practices. The only way that this won’t happen is if you and your husband discuss and firmly agree on a different plan that he is willing to back you up on when the time comes.