DEAR HARRIETTE: I have called my mother every night after work for about 20 years. She is up in age now, and I can tell that it is hard for her to stay awake for my call. I live on the West Coast and she’s on the East Coast, so getting the time right has always been tough. But now I am lucky if I reach her twice a week before she has gone to sleep. How can I keep close to my elderly mom when our decades-long rhythm is broken? -- New Routine
DEAR NEW ROUTINE: As hard as it feels right now to change, change is an integral part of life. Your mother is having to adjust to so many things, including managing during COVID-19, which has left many elders isolated. Add to that her internal clock changing due to her advancing age, and life is simply different. In the past, it may have been a delight many times and also a challenge for your mother to stay up late in order to talk to you. Even though she surely has cherished your calls, it is likely that the time difference has sometimes been hard on her.
Rather than longing for what you no longer have -- her ability to be more accommodating to the time difference -- celebrate what you do have. Schedule your twice-weekly calls so that your mother and you will look forward to them. Catch up as you have in the past, making sure to listen closely for how aware and in tune she is. Remind her of when you will call again so that she remembers your new rhythm.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)