DEAR HARRIETTE: I like to get a massage on a regular basis. I work out a lot, and massages help to ease the tension in my body. I have a new boyfriend, and he thinks that it is indecent for me to get a massage. The idea that I take off all my clothes in front of another person sets him off -- even if the therapist is a woman. He has never had a massage, so he doesn’t understand the way it works. He thinks it’s sexual, or potentially could be. How can I get him to ease up? He has demanded that I stop getting massages. I told him I’m not going to do that. He is acting like this could be a deal breaker. -- No More Massage
DEAR NO MORE MASSAGE: Invite your boyfriend to go with you to get a massage. Some facilities offer couples massages, where there are two tables in the room, and therapists work on you simultaneously. Even in those settings, the services are therapeutic -- not sexual. This might allay his fears. You can also offer to have a female therapist only.
If he refuses or maintains that you should never get a massage again, you should consider that a red flag. Massage therapy is a legitimate, licensed profession that many people use for health and wellness purposes. You have every right to engage a massage therapist. If your boyfriend wants to prohibit you from doing so, you may want to consider that action a bit too controlling. Do you really want to be in a relationship where your boyfriend can make such demands?
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)