DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while now, and I think I am in love with him. This is the man I want to spend my life with. This year he got arrested for a break-in with some of his friends. Now he is facing court cases, jail time and lawyer’s fees. He never told me about any of this until he was asking me to bail him out. I want to be there for him, but I feel like he made me believe that he is something he is not. He wants to meet and explain everything. I want to hear him out, and I hope that I am jumping to conclusions and that he made a mistake and is trying to set things right. Should I let him explain himself or just move on? -- Young in Love
DEAR YOUNG IN LOVE: You say you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. At the very least, meet with him and hear him out. Have him explain what happened, what his role was and what else he has not told you about himself. Listen carefully so that you can hear the truth. He asked you to bail him out. If you do that, you deserve to know his history. You have put your resources on the line by posting bail for him.
More, if you think there’s even a chance of building a life with this man, he needs to come clean about who he is, what he wants in life and what he intends to do about his current predicament. Plenty of people have built lives with people who have entanglements with the criminal justice system. You need to figure out who this man is, what his values are and whether you want to commit to him through it all.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)