Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Family Grows Testy in Close Quarters

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got rejected by someone I am in love with because he had to move across the country for work. He said that “maybe in a few years” we can be together, but he doesn’t want a long-distance relationship right now. Is there such a thing as wrong timing, or was this just an excuse for him to turn me down? Should I try to get over him, or should I hold out for the possibility that we may be together in the future? -- Doomed

DEAR DOOMED: Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” As hurt as you are now, you must look at this situation for what it is. The man you love so much is not ready to love you back in the way that you deserve and need. He has told you as much. You need to believe him.

To answer your question, yes, there is such a thing as bad timing. Indeed, it is remarkable to me how rare it is for two people to find each other, fall in love and build a life together. That might sound nuts, but think about it. How often do we know of stories where one person was in love and the other was not? Or something stood in the way of the fulfillment of a relationship? I don’t say this to invoke gloom and doom, but to point out that it is rare and wonderful when the stars align and you experience true acceptance from someone who wants to partner with you in life at the very time that you want to do it.

Now doesn’t seem to be the time for you and this person. Don’t run after him or allow your heart to be bound to him after he leaves. Instead, accept the sad truth that this relationship is not meant to be. Pivot and move on to the life you are living. Keep your eyes open. Your partner may be standing in front of you, but you have to open your eyes in order to see.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Read more in: Love & Dating