DEAR HARRIETTE: I learned that one of my mother’s best friends is not doing well. It sounds like she is physically ill and also suffering from dementia. My mother is not well, either. The two of them used to be so close. Now I don’t even know if it is a good idea to put them on the phone with each other because they are both feeble. It’s really sad. I end up talking to each of them separately. How much should I tell my mother about her friend? I am so unsure. Obviously, they can’t visit each other. Half the time, I don’t know what my mother retains anyway. Should I make sure that she knows about her friend’s condition? -- Keeping Informed
DEAR KEEPING INFORMED: We never want to worry our elders, so it is good to be cautious. But at the same time, you should let your mother know that her friend is suffering. Without giving her the blow-by-blow, tell her a bit about her friend’s condition. If your mother is a praying woman, suggest that she offer a prayer for her friend. If possible, facilitate a call between the two of them with you on the phone. In this way, you can guide the conversation and also remember what was shared so that you can continue dialogue about it with your mother at another time.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)