DEAR HARRIETTE: Even though I am a college student, I still live with my mother; it’s much cheaper than living in a dorm. I may be an adult, but every time I go out, I have to tell my mom where I am going. If I am out planning on being out late, I have to tell her how long I will be. Whenever it is dark out, my mom picks me up by my bus stop.
Recently, I have been telling my mom that I want to move out, mostly since I feel bad that she feels she has to take care of me. Plus, I have to contact my mother about my every move, and it feels like I have no privacy or freedom.
I love my mom, but I feel like she is a bit overbearing. I want her to trust me to be independent, but I don’t want her to think I am mad at her. How do I tell my mom that I am responsible for myself and that she shouldn’t baby me? -- Mom’s Little Girl
DEAR MOM’S LITTLE GIRL: The cost of living at home with your mom is following her rules. It is in her DNA to worry about her daughter. I remember when I used to come home to visit my family as a young adult. Even then, my mother would stay up until I got home from wherever I was. At first I was frustrated and angry at her for trying to control me, then I took some time to think about it. While under her care, I became her little girl again. She could not rest without knowing my whereabouts. That’s the deal with motherhood.
So, you need to accept that while you live with your mother, you have to keep her updated. You can remind her that you are becoming a woman and need to be independent. You can ask to establish guidelines for coming and going that may put her at ease. But ultimately, this will not change much until you have your own place.