DEAR HARRIETTE: I accidentally revealed to my best friend’s boyfriend that she has been talking to her ex. I thought that he knew they were still friends because he is in our friend group, but she had been lying to him about the extent of their friendship. He broke up with her, and she has been an absolute wreck over the breakup.
I feel terrible and guilty because it is all my fault. I didn’t know she was lying to him about being friends with her ex, and she never told me not to say anything. Maybe I was an absentminded friend. Our other mutual friends told me to take it to the grave and let them sort it out, but I can’t stand by, keeping this secret while she cries. Should I come clean? -- Slipped Up
DEAR SLIPPED UP: What good will it possibly do for you to tell your friend that you revealed this information to her boyfriend? She is already emotionally wrecked. Your revelation will only make her feel worse. It will not help her to heal.
By the way, it is not all your fault that they broke up. She is the one who was engaging with her ex and lying about it. Of course this is unfortunate, but she is going to have to deal with her own feelings and actions and figure out a way forward. When the time comes, if it comes, you can reveal your role in the revelation. For now, if she wants to talk about this, encourage her to think deeply about what she wants for her life, so that she can choose wisely.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)