DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex and I broke up when I found out he hid a daughter from me. He had gotten a woman pregnant whom he barely knew before we started dating, and she never told him until the daughter was born. Once she told him, he kept it to himself and got a DNA test. I found the DNA papers in the mail and left him after I knew he had been lying.
Three years have passed, and he recently came back to town and proposed to me. I’ve been secretly seeing someone from work for the past year, and this co-worker just told me that he loves me. I’m trying to figure out if maybe I moved on too fast from my ex or if I should keep to the new path I’ve paved. I still love my ex and was just hurt, while he’s doing well and saying all the things I’ve wanted him to say. Am I a fool to take him back? Or am I a fool to lose a new man who’s been great and wants to take things a step further? -- Fool for Love
DEAR FOOL FOR LOVE: Step back and evaluate your feelings. Did you and your ex ever talk about the situation after you left? If this relationship is unresolved in your heart, it may be hard for you to be fully present with your new beau.
You have to decide your next steps. Honesty must be your guiding force. If you want to give your ex a chance, you have to tell your guy at work what you are doing. But don’t just take your ex back. Talk it out and determine whether you share values, goals and dreams. Don’t take long to make a decision.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)