DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is overly protective of me. He wants me to dress modestly and to avert my eyes when boys pay attention to me. He says it is bad manners for a girl to wear dresses above the knee or to talk to other boys when you have a boyfriend. I started off liking this guy, but now it feels weird. This is my first time having a boyfriend, so I’m not sure how it should work, but this doesn’t feel right. We go to the same school, so he is always around. I like the attention he gives me, but I feel uncomfortable about how he wants to control me. I’m a little afraid to speak up, because he is strong-willed. How can I be more assertive without losing him? -- Controlling Boyfriend
DEAR CONTROLLING BOYFRIEND: Your boyfriend is not exhibiting healthy behavior toward you. What you have described are red flags. I recommend that you end the relationship.
I know it’s exciting to have a boyfriend, but this boy does not accept you for who you are. A good boyfriend will celebrate you and make you feel loved, not controlled.
If you are afraid that he may retaliate, speak to your parents and to your guidance counselor at school. It may help to have adults looking out for you as you separate from this young man. You have to be strong to counter his manipulativeness. You can do it. Just keeping telling yourself that you are worthy of being loved for who you are. You do not need to change to meet a boy’s approval.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)