DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a guy at a social work function and, after talking to him for a while, realized that we have a couple of mutual friends. One of them is the best friend of my ex-husband. We broke up more than 30 years ago, but it was not a good breakup, and I was not nice.
I didn’t know what to say to my colleague when we parted ways. I gave him the briefest heads up, telling him that I knew his friend because he was friends with my ex, and we had a bad breakup. I indicated that I told him so he wouldn’t be caught off guard in case it came up. I knew he was going to call his friend to say we met and how much fun we had together at this event. This man’s last interaction with me was about my ex, and it wasn’t positive. Did I do the right thing? -- Managing Expectations
DEAR MANAGING EXPECTATIONS: What you did was fine, in that you made sure the man wouldn’t find himself flat-footed if your name did come up in a bad light. It also could have been fine for you to say nothing. Your ex’s best friend likely has fewer memories of your past than you do. It could have been a nonissue entirely if you hadn’t mentioned that part of the past.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)