DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is French, and while I am fluent in French, I cannot understand him unless he is making an effort to speak clearly. When he is talking with his friends, my lack of understanding becomes an issue for me. When this happens, I feel really awful, but I do not know if I should tell my boyfriend’s friends this. Am I just being overly self-conscious? How should I confront them about this without deprecating myself? -- Not French
DEAR NOT FRENCH: You are an equal party in this relationship. It is fine for you to speak up. Next time your boyfriend and his friends are together with you and they start speaking so fast that you don’t understand, insert yourself and ask them if they would slow down a bit. State the obvious -- that, yes, you speak French, but it’s hard for you to keep up. Ask them if they would try to remember that you are part of the conversation and slow down just a bit so that you can participate more fully.
You can follow up by asking them to repeat themselves at certain points in the conversation if you believe you missed a salient point.
Privately ask your boyfriend to be more mindful of the fact that you sometimes have a hard time keeping up with the conversation when he and his friends speak fast. Ask him to help you.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)