DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that a good friend of mine that I thought I was getting to know better was lying to me about certain aspects of his life. We talked every day, and I felt he was becoming someone I could open up to. While the topic he lied about is juvenile and I understand that he did it to make himself look better, he broke my trust. My No. 1 rule is having no liars around me, but this is how I've lost friends in the past. I simply cut off individuals who break my trust, even if it is for the first time.
I'm debating whether I'm too harsh and should give people more chances, or am I right to cut people off? I don't want to lose my friend, but I wonder if he was a real friend at all or if he lied about other things? -- Rejecting Liars
DEAR REJECTING LIARS: Your hard line about lying may be too rigid. It may be best to look at each relationship individually to assess whether you can forgive a person for a particular behavior, or if the person went too far.
In this case, you say that the lie was juvenile and seemingly insignificant. Perhaps you can talk to your friend about what happened, let him know how you feel about people who lie to you and explain to him that you are reluctant to remain his friend. Admit that you are now worried about whether he has lied about other things or if he will lie to you in the future. Talk it out to see if forgiveness has a place in this friendship.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)