DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned that my 18-year-old daughter and many of my daughter’s friends -- both male and female -- use the dating app Tinder.
They have told me that Tinder can be used in different ways, it is a good way for young people to make friends and they are cautious and verify people on social media before meeting them. It still concerns me. Is this just a generational difference, or is it something that I should be concerned about? -- Tinder Skeptic
DEAR TINDER SKEPTIC: It can be frightening for parents to think about how our children are finding dates. When it comes to online dating and apps like Tinder -- especially ones that originally, anyhow, were used to find sex partners -- it can be hard for a parent to step back and watch the experience unfold. Yet there is not a lot that you can do.
Remind your daughter about your values. As far as dating in general and via this app, she should remember that it is important not to put herself in unsafe situations with people she doesn’t know. When first meeting a potential date, she should meet in a public space. Though she may feel she has the right to do whatever she wants with her body, remind her that her body is a sacred temple, and she should not allow just anybody into that temple. If she continues to treat herself with respect and honor, she will create space for others to treat her the same. When her friends are around, I would repeat these principles. Your daughter may not like you spouting off about your beliefs, but at least you will be sharing your truth.
As much as you may not want to accept it, there is a chance that sexual activity may be involved at some point, so you should also share the importance of safe sex practices.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)