DEAR HARRIETTE: Every summer for the past few years I have gone to visit my mother for a week or so. This year I haven't scheduled the trip yet. Things have gotten very busy at work, and I have been invited to participate in a few fun activities on the weekends with new friends. I just haven't booked my trip.
My mother is getting up in age, so I know I should go see her. As I look at the summer schedule thus far, though, I don't see a time that will work. I was thinking of planning the trip for early fall. Do I seem selfish for not making the trip now? I can go in September. What do you think? -- VISITING MOM
DEAR VISITING MOM: You need to talk to your mother and manage her expectations. If you have a rhythm that you have followed for years that you are now breaking, chances are she will notice. This doesn't mean that you can't change your trip. It does mean that you need to check in with her and make a plan together.
First, verify in your schedule when you think it works best for you to spend a week with your mother. Then talk to her about your idea of visiting in the early fall. You should also get a sense of how she is managing and what her plans are for the summer. Check to ensure that she isn't simply waiting for you to come but that she is active at home and enjoying her life, too.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)