DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband gets drunk at least once a week, and he becomes belligerent and loud. It’s so disgusting to me. We live in an apartment building with thin walls, and I know the neighbors hear him when he gets loud and aggressive. He has never hurt me, but he gets pushy and kind of nasty in his language. He always wants to have sex when he’s drunk, and I definitely don’t want to do that. So we reach a standoff. It’s messy. How can I get him to understand that when he gets like that, it is a complete turnoff? -- Drunk Husband
DEAR DRUNK HUSBAND: When your husband is sober, get him to sit down and talk to you. Be courageous during this conversation. Tell him how it makes you feel when he gets drunk, loud and aggressive. Point out that it’s bad enough that you feel uncomfortable, but it’s worse because the neighbors can hear him. Ask him to curb his drinking.
Make it clear to your husband that you will not ever want to have sex with him when he is in that condition. Suggest that when he is sober and aware of himself, it is much easier for the two of you to enjoy each other’s company, including intimacy. If you can make it clear to him that the chance for that physical closeness that he wants is there if he can stop drinking, it may prove to be incentive for him.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)