DEAR HARRIETTE: When I am busy, I often rely on my boyfriend to watch our daughter. He always agrees to watch her if I am away handling business for a couple of days. However, I found out that he usually passes her off to his mother instead of watching her himself. I am not sure how to feel about this. Should I be grateful that I have someone to watch her for the weekend or complain to him about being responsible for her? -- Who's Watching My Baby?
DEAR WHO’S WATCHING MY BABY?: Check in with his mother to make sure that she is comfortable taking care of her grandchild during the times that you are away. If she is fine with it, you can feel some relief. If she needs help, find out what it is, and see if you can provide it somehow. That would be the time to sit down with your boyfriend -- not to scold him, but to let him know that this is a strain on his mother.
If grandma is enjoying spending time with her granddaughter, don’t jump in and complain. It is fairly common for male partners to get other family members to help with the children when mom is away. Is it fair? No. Is it real? Yes. Complaining about him and putting him down for not accepting his responsibilities will not suddenly make it better. More likely, the outcome will be that he will resent you. Hopefully he will grow to have a close relationship with his daughter, and he will choose to spend more time with her. Your positive input can help to foster that bond.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)