DEAR HARRIETTE: My 4-year-old niece is becoming more mature and is very smart and aware of her actions. She does not always listen and chooses to do wrong things for attention. Discipline is essential for young kids, but how much is too far? Do you believe we should spank our kids, or should we simply talk it out with them? My sister keeps asking me what I think she should do, but I don’t have kids. -- Theories of Discipline
DEAR THEORIES OF DISCIPLINE: Though I grew up with the occasional spanking, I am not a believer in that form of discipline. This is primarily because I do not think that violence begets positive behavior. Instead, it inspires fear, anger and disillusionment.
Sometimes “talking it out” doesn’t work, either. I recommend that a child who is not listening well and is misbehaving should have privileges taken away. Often that means no electronics, no TV, no video games, etc. It could mean using a timeout, where a child has to be quiet and isolated for a set period. With a child as young as 4, five minutes is often long enough for a child to have to be quiet.
Your sister needs to develop a consistent strategy. If her daughter behaves in a manner that is inappropriate and belligerent, she needs to be reprimanded and then shown that there are consequences to her actions. If there are consistent consequences to bad behavior, she will learn to stop doing those things.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)