Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Friends Upset About Not Being Invited to Party

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hosted a last-minute gathering of friends and family, and it was so much fun. I posted a bunch of photos on social media, as I normally post photos of what’s going on in my world. It didn’t occur to me at the time -- because I had kind of spontaneously planned my party -- that I didn’t invite every one of my friends. I definitely forgot a few people. Now they have seen that I had a party without them. I already wrote to one friend apologizing for not including her and saying how last-minute it was. Should I reach out to the other friends, or just let it be? -- Outed By Social Media

DEAR OUTED BY SOCIAL MEDIA: I would contact people only if you feel that they will be upset that they were excluded. For the most part, people understand that events happen all the time, and they are not invited to every one of them. This is true even for people you are close to. Drawing attention to a past event may exacerbate the reality that they didn’t make the list this time.

As you see, the challenge of social media is that it puts your private life in a public space, which can be uncomfortable. You may want to rethink what all you post in the future with this situation as a barometer. But do know that it is perfectly fine for you to host events and not invite every single person you care about. You can be selective, and it will be fine. If the omission of a particular person comes up, you can simply say that you are sorry that they weren’t there for that particular occasion, and you hope they will be present in the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is growing, and she just put all of her too-tight shoes in a bag to give away. Some of them have hardly been worn. I know she didn’t mean to ignore them, but she doesn’t wear dress shoes often and she has been in a growth spurt for almost the whole year. I don’t want to dump the shoes, but my friends can be snobby about accepting used shoes for their kids. What can I do with them other than taking them to Goodwill? -- Old Shoes

DEAR OLD SHOES: There are plenty of people who will appreciate the slightly worn shoes that you have. If you simply want to give them away, consider taking them to a local house of worship. Many churches give away clothing and shoes to those in need. Goodwill and the Salvation Army do accept items and will give you a tax deduction voucher for them, which helps at tax time.

You can also sell them online. Consider eBay or Poshmark, among many other online resellers. It takes effort on your part to set yourself up as a vendor, but it could be worth it, especially as your daughter continues to grow.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)