Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

10-Year-Old Daughter Doesn't Like Future Stepdad

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to get married, and my 10-year-old daughter is not happy about it. I have finally found a man who wants to be my partner in life. He likes my daughter, too, but she is not kind to him. She is just a child, but she does not accept him at all. I know that it can be hard for kids to welcome stepparents, but I need my daughter to like my fiance. What can I say to her to help her to adjust to this change in our lives? -- Single Mom Marries

DEAR SINGLE MOM MARRIES: Slow down and make a plan with your fiance that includes your daughter. He needs to get to know her better and build a loving bond with her. She needs to witness that he is not trying to take you away from her. She needs clear evidence that his presence in your lives will bring value, not tear you away from her. Institute a weekly family night where the three of you do something together. It can be as simple as watching a movie, but make it an activity that you don’t miss. The more you can do to include your daughter in experiences with you and your fiance, the more likely it is that she will soften to him.