DEAR HARRIETTE: I really put my foot in my mouth this time. I was hanging out with my young adult niece whom I adore, and I ended up barking orders at her when we were rushing to get to an event. I didn’t realize that my comments affected her at all at the time, but I noticed that she was in a bad mood later that evening. I was told later by another family member -- confidentially -- that my comments sparked her bad mood. I am mortified, but I was sworn to secrecy.
What can I do to make up for my unconscious behavior since I promised not to let my niece know that I was told what I did to offend her? I love my niece. The last thing I ever want to do is disrespect her. -- Forgiveness Vs. Secrecy
DEAR FORGIVENESS VS. SECRECY: Do not betray the trust of the person who informed you of your bad behavior. That will add salt to the wound and damage their relationship. Instead, know that you made a mistake in the way that you communicated with your niece, and pledge to yourself not to do that again. Since you and your niece generally have a good relationship, you should continue to strengthen that. Keep your communication rhythm going, and pay attention to how you speak to her.
Sometimes it can be challenging for adults to shift the way that they react to young people as they blossom into adults. We can be much bossier than the moment calls for. Check yourself if you notice that you are doing that with her. If you do it again, apologize for your behavior in the moment, but don’t bring up the past.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)