Sense & Sensitivity

Mom Doesn't Want to Move in With Child, Even Temporarily

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that the weather is so cold, I am worried about my mom, who is old and lives by herself. The other day, when it was well below freezing, she told me that her heat wasn’t working well. I have invited her to stay with me for a few weeks -- until the cold blows over, just to be safe -- but she says she wants to stay home. I am not asking her to move in with me permanently. I know she values her independence, but I don’t feel like I can care for her properly when we are not in the same house during this period. I have a husband and young children to make sure I get to school, so I cannot move in with her. What should I do? -- Mom in Need

DEAR MOM IN NEED: You are experiencing that moment in a parent-child relationship when roles reverse, and it can be extremely challenging and emotional. Your responsibility now is to require your mother to do something for her health that she doesn’t prefer. You should bring her to your home during this cold spell. Let her know that you must do this for her, even if she doesn’t like it.

Remind her of your childhood, when she made you wear thermals or extra layers during the winter. What about times when she wouldn’t let you go outside and play with your friends for fear of frostbite? Bring up whatever else you remember that will illustrate for her some decision she made when you were a child and needed her guidance. Tell her that it is your turn now to care for her, and you will not allow her stubbornness to lead to her freezing in her own home. She has to come with you -- short-term -- until the weather breaks. Then, pack her bag and go.

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