DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband passed away two years ago. I am still having a hard time getting over this loss. We used to do everything together, and I miss him so much. I still work and go through my life, but it is hard.
In the past few months, several elders in my community have died, and I have not been able to go to their funerals. It has been too emotional. As I was getting dressed to go to one of them, I started hyperventilating. It was awful. My family doesn’t understand. They think I am being selfish. I don’t think I am. I can’t deal with death right now. What can I say to my family to get them off my back? -- Grief-Stricken
DEAR GRIEF-STRICKEN: Grief does not have a timeline. Each person suffers loss differently. Many people who have suffered loss have a hard time going to funerals because these events trigger memories of their recently departed loved ones. It is OK for you to stay away from funerals for now.
What you might also consider is going to grief counseling. Getting professional support may help you to figure out how to release the profound sorrow that you are feeling. It doesn’t mean you will ever forget your husband -- nor should you. But you may learn coping skills that allow you space to find happiness and groundedness. When you feel solid, it will be easier for you to honor others who have passed by attending their homegoing celebrations.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)