DEAR HARRIETTE: You missed an important point in your response to the mom of the pregnant daughter who is in college. Whether or not the daughter is with the baby's father and whether or not he is willing to help with the baby, he is legally responsible to support the child.
If they decide to keep the baby, they need to take support action against this man and legally establish paternity. This is essential -- not just for the monthly support payment. But if the man becomes disabled or dies, for instance, then the child would also be eligible for Social Security benefits. Other benefits could be available, such as medical and life insurance benefits, veterans benefits and rights to inheritance. Not to mention emotional support from the father. This affects the child for his or her entire life. -- Know Your Rights
DEAR KNOW YOUR RIGHTS: Very good point! The fact is that babies come into this world because of two participants. The father should be responsible whether or not the couple stays together, and even if the parents are young, as in this case when the mother is a college student.
A question that is hotly debated in this country is what to do when you become pregnant and do not have the resources or the desire to care for a child. There are two clear camps regarding reproductive rights. But the area gets much more nuanced when it comes to what happens when a child is born and the parents are not prepared to care for it. My challenge to families is to think through all options and make an informed decision that includes all parties. When you bring a child into this world, you need to take responsibility for caring for it. If it takes legal action to enforce that responsibility, so be it.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)