DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been fighting with my husband over everything, it seems. I am not happy, and he and I are not getting along. It is time for us to plan our annual trip to visit his family for the holidays, and I do not want to go. I don’t feel like smiling and acting like everything is fine, or being interrogated by his family about what’s wrong. I’m not filing for divorce, either. I just don’t want to pretend anymore. I want to go to therapy with my husband, but he refuses. What can I do? -- At a Crossroads
DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: Sit down with your husband and tell him that you do not feel comfortable going to visit his family this year. Tell him why. Be specific and honest. Explain that you are not happy with him, and you don’t feel like pretending or explaining what’s going on. This may be a wake-up call for him about how serious you are about your marital problems.
Ask him again to go to therapy with you. Tell him you aren’t interested in getting a divorce, but you do want to figure out ways to strengthen your marriage. Ask him if he wants that, too. Standing up about not going to visit his family may be the eye-opener he needs to take you seriously.