DEAR HARRIETTE: I was clearing out a room in my house to try to get rid of clutter when I came across a stack of letters addressed to my husband. I was curious, so I opened them; I was horrified to discover that they came from another woman. We have been married for many years, so this bothers me. Has he had an affair that I don’t know about? Are they from an old flame that he never got over? What do I do with this discovery? I’m not trying to upset our life together. We are good -- or so I thought. But I can’t act like I didn’t find them. What should I do? -- Love Notes
DEAR LOVE NOTES: I can imagine that finding these letters has disturbed you. Given that they were tucked away, it seems they represent a moment from the past. If you feel you cannot let them go as relics, frame the conversation with your husband in a way that he will be inclined to answer. In other words, do not indict him. Just tell him what you found, and ask him who wrote the letters. Explain that you found them when you were cleaning up and opened them to discover that they represent what reads like a relationship between him and another woman. Tell him you are curious to know who she is and if she means anything to him today.
Listen to see what he tells you. If she truly is from the past, don’t feel you have to dredge up all the details. You can agree to stay in the present if you and your husband both agree that you are happy in the life you have now.