DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event the other evening, dressed in my finest -- or so I thought. When I arrived, several people, including the greeters at the front door, complimented me on my outfit. I appreciated that, especially since I haven’t been out for a while, and I have gained quite a bit of weight.
Anyway, at a certain point during the evening, I saw a man who I have known for at least 20 years. He walked up and smiled, and as he was saying hello, he grabbed my arm and made a comment that I looked good -- even though I have put some meat on my bones. I didn’t quite know how to react to that. Yes, I have gained weight, but is that what somebody should say -- pointing out that I have gotten bigger? He unnerved me for a minute. I didn’t say anything, but it bothered me. What do you do in a situation like that? -- Half-Baked Compliment
DEAR HALF-BAKED COMPLIMENT: It sounds like you are especially sensitive about the way your body has transformed over the years. That’s natural. The fact that this man you have known forever obviously noticed that you look different but also complimented you on looking good in your new skin can be taken as a compliment. I doubt that he meant to insult you. He saw you and reacted to the person he saw with honesty and flattery. Sometimes it can be hard to notice a compliment when it is cloaked in a truth that reflects your particular sensitivity.
To be fair, it’s best if people do not address weight at all in conversations. It is so hard to do so without stumbling into offensive language. But, in this man’s case, it seems that he meant to celebrate you, just as those people who didn’t know you were doing that day.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)