DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son is extremely shy. When he and I go places and people speak to him, it takes him so long to respond that I often find myself answering questions for him. I know that this isn’t helpful in the long run, but there are times when the pauses are extremely uncomfortable between when someone says something to him and when he responds. How can I support him to become more confident and outgoing, and what should I do when people ask him questions and it takes too long for him to answer? -- Shy Son
DEAR SHY SON: Your son may need to venture out on his own so that he doesn’t have your support in helping to answer questions. You may want to bring him to events with you, remind him of key small-talk points that are specific to where you are (topic of event, key parties who should be in attendance, personal interests, etc.), and let him know that you want to circulate independently. Encourage him to make eye contact and small talk. If he practices, he will be able to say things when he is nervous. It’s easiest for you to bite your tongue if you aren’t there at all. Let him go for it on his own.
Make sure he knows you are not abandoning him. Instead, you are setting him up for success by preparing him and then giving him space to interact with others independent of you.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)