DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been on my job for less than a year. Recently, I was asked to apply for a position that came open. It stretches my abilities, but I was up for it. I have been doing OK for the most part, and I have received a lot of encouragement. There’s one woman, though, who is constantly belittling me. She seems to go out of her way to find negative things to say about my job performance. She is never encouraging, and it’s upsetting. Another one of the leaders in the company who is very supportive of me suggested that I speak to this woman and tell her to quit bullying me. I’m nervous to say anything. I would rather just not stay in this job than to have her always going out of her way to poke at me. What should I do? -- Anti-Bullying
DEAR ANTI-BULLYING: The tricky thing about walking away from certain conflicts without addressing them is that they often follow you. The business leader who told you to stand up for yourself was right. The next time your bully addresses you inappropriately, ask her directly what the problem is. Ask her why she is talking to you in that way. Tell her you want to figure out how to work with her effectively, but when she constantly berates you, it makes it difficult for you to work well.
You can also say the words directly: "Stop bullying me." You have to say it like you mean it. If she persists, go to HR. Do your best to speak up for yourself and sort it out directly first, though.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)