Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Neighbor Wants to Stop Collecting Mail

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighborhood friend who visits his mother for three months at the beginning of the year. He is a nice guy, and we look out for each other. For the past couple of years, he has asked me to gather his mail and send it to him at the end of each week. I did it at first, but now I realize that this is a big responsibility. I don’t want to let him down, but it is too much for me to handle -- at least responsibly. My life got a lot busier with my own issues, and I have forgotten to send out his mail several times. I know that’s not right. What can I do? I don’t want to disappoint my friend. -- Not a Mailman

DEAR NOT A MAILMAN: Guess what? There is an easy and efficient solution here. Your friend can get the postal service to forward his mail to him directly for a specific period of time. It is extremely easy to do, and your friend can even handle it online. For a fee of $1, he can have his mail held, packaged and sent to his temporary location. He can have the mail redirected when he returns. The USPS will also bundle the mailing in an organized once-per-week shipment through Priority Mail, though the fee for that is higher.

Contact your friend and let him know the situation. As much as you want to help, you have not been able to be as reliable as in the past. Recommend that he use the Postal Service to deal with his mail, as it has a system in place for this need. For more information, go to:

Read more in: Friends & Neighbors | Etiquette & Ethics

Husband Watches Porn to Wife's Chagrin

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is into porn, big-time. I knew this back when we were dating, and occasionally he would want to watch porn movies while we were making love, but that ended years ago -- or so I thought. We have been married 15 years, and this hasn’t come up at all for more than 10 of them. I honestly thought this phase was over. That was until I caught him the other night watching something that was extremely raw. I suppose the good news is that he didn’t try to get me to join in, but it was disgusting. How can I get him to stop? -- No More Porn

DEAR NO MORE PORN: The pornography industry is huge for a reason: Many people engage it. Because it is so easy to access these days, many people view it in the privacy of their own homes.

You cannot necessarily get your husband to stop watching porn. You already know that you cannot control him. Tell him that it disturbed you to see that he was still watching it, and ask him to be more discreet. You can even ask him to stop viewing it, but don’t count on him following your recommendation. As long as his private viewing does not impact you personally or your family, you may need to let it go. One caution you may want to give him is to ensure that he does not use that same computer at work, as his browsing history can be viewed and possibly held against him. Also, if you have children, he must make sure that no pornographic sites are stored in the computer’s cache that they could accidentally stumble upon.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Read more in: Marriage & Divorce | Addiction | Sex & Gender | Etiquette & Ethics