Sense & Sensitivity

Husband Watches Porn to Wife's Chagrin

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is into porn, big-time. I knew this back when we were dating, and occasionally he would want to watch porn movies while we were making love, but that ended years ago -- or so I thought. We have been married 15 years, and this hasn’t come up at all for more than 10 of them. I honestly thought this phase was over. That was until I caught him the other night watching something that was extremely raw. I suppose the good news is that he didn’t try to get me to join in, but it was disgusting. How can I get him to stop? -- No More Porn

DEAR NO MORE PORN: The pornography industry is huge for a reason: Many people engage it. Because it is so easy to access these days, many people view it in the privacy of their own homes.

You cannot necessarily get your husband to stop watching porn. You already know that you cannot control him. Tell him that it disturbed you to see that he was still watching it, and ask him to be more discreet. You can even ask him to stop viewing it, but don’t count on him following your recommendation. As long as his private viewing does not impact you personally or your family, you may need to let it go. One caution you may want to give him is to ensure that he does not use that same computer at work, as his browsing history can be viewed and possibly held against him. Also, if you have children, he must make sure that no pornographic sites are stored in the computer’s cache that they could accidentally stumble upon.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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