Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Employee Angry When Passed Over for Better Job

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel terrible right now. I have been passed up yet again for a job I really wanted. The person who got it is an industry friend. I know I should be happy for her, but it’s hard to feel that. I believe I was more qualified for the job. Obviously only one person could get it, but it should have been me. The company made a big announcement this week, and I am so upset about it. How can I quiet my negative feelings on this one? I know I should reach out to this woman and congratulate her, turn the page and look for something else. But right now, all I want to do is scream. -- Passed Over, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR PASSED OVER: I am sorry that you were not selected for the job you so wanted. That is a tough experience to go through. It is understandable that you are still upset. Maybe you should let out a big ol' scream so that you release all the pent-up anger you have. Allow yourself to be mad for a moment. Let it all out, and then let go of those feelings.

You can write your industry friend a note of congratulations. Wish her well and leave it at that. You do not need to say anything about your feelings. Chances are, she doesn’t even know that you applied for this job. Don’t talk about your loss. That will only keep the anger alive.

Beyond that, you should refocus your attention on you and what you want for your career. Look for other opportunities that may be fulfilling. This one no longer exists.