DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and has been undergoing chemotherapy for quite some time. I am the oldest of three, so I have been trying to take on my mother’s roles as she has been unable to. I have never admitted this to anyone, but sometimes I just want to be a normal teen for a day. I feel like I am constantly taking care of my sisters and running the house, and not taking any time for me.
I feel unbelievably selfish having these thoughts; it upsets me so much. My mom is so appreciative of how responsible I have been, but I would never tell her how I’ve been feeling every now and then. I haven’t seen my friends or hung out with my boyfriend in the longest time. It upsets me that I feel this way because I can’t imagine how my mom is feeling, but sometimes I can't help myself. Am I a bad person for feeling this way? -- Girl With a Sick Mother, Akron, Ohio
DEAR GIRL WITH A SICK MOTHER: It is OK for you to be honest with your mother, even though she is ill. Given what she’s going through, she needs to think about outside support that you and your siblings may need now. Obviously, you are not going to abandon your duties, but you can let her know that every now and then, you need a break. Perhaps there is a family member who can stop by to help out, or through her insurance you may be able to get a part-time caregiver. Let your mother know that you need help, and then she and you can begin to investigate it.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)