Sense & Sensitivity by Harriette Cole

Man Upset by Friend Hanging Out With Ex-Girlfriend

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had two girlfriends in my life: the girl I am currently seeing and my ex. Last weekend, I went out in New York City with a group of my college buddies. Later in the night, I got a text from another friend saying he was hanging out with my ex. I don’t know why, but it bothered me. I don’t have feelings for my ex-girlfriend or even care what she does. What bothered me was that my friend didn’t give me a heads-up about his plans.

I feel like my friend was trying to hide the fact he was going to be at a party with my ex-girlfriend. Is it irrational that I am upset about this? -- Ex Questioning Feelings, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR EX QUESTIONING FEELINGS: Love is a fickle thing. On one hand, you are long gone from your ex. On the other, you aren’t so keen on having your friends continue to hang out with her. That’s normal -- if not rational. Many friends create boundaries around dating each other’s exes. Perhaps you should at least have that conversation with your friend. Tell him the truth: You know that you have no “rights” over this young lady, but you would hope that he would keep her off-limits romantically. Know that this doesn’t always work and can be impractical at times.

If your friend does decide to continue to spend time with your ex, you must make some decisions. Can you be comfortable in her company when you are with your girlfriend? Can you remain good friends with your buddy who crossed the line? What will your next steps be?

Read more in: Love & Dating | Friends & Neighbors