DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a bit of a complicated friendship. I have a friend, Justin, who has deep feelings for me, but I don’t feel the same about him. We hook up every once in a while, but there are other guys I hook up with, too.
I recently found out that I have syphilis; a few weeks ago I checked my thigh and saw there was this big ball shape and it hurt every time I walked, so I went to the doctor. After my appointment, I called everyone I was sexually active with and told them to get tested. Most reacted OK. Justin shut down and told me he was upset with me because he felt as if I accused him of giving me syphilis. Now he doesn’t want to be friends with me because he thinks I accused him. How do I get through to him that I was just telling him in case I gave it to him? I wasn’t accusing him of anything. -- Paranoid Friend, San Francisco
DEAR PARANOID FRIEND: I have to start by scolding you a bit. If you are going to "hook up" with multiple partners, is it imperative that you practice safe sex. Unprotected sex can lead to so many health problems. You are being reckless.
I will commend you for going to the doctor AND telling all of your sexual partners about your diagnosis. That couldn’t have been easy to do. With Justin, you can tell him once more that you accused him of nothing. Instead, you were informing him so he could get tested. After that, leave him be. He is likely also upset because your feelings do not match his. You may be better off letting him go.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)