DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 22-year-old woman. My best guy friend and I have been close friends for over eight years now. I consider him more like a brother than a friend. Recently, my boyfriend has been hinting that he doesn’t want me texting or hanging out with my friend anymore. We haven’t sat down and talked about it or had a huge argument about this, but it bothers me when he makes comments about how I shouldn’t be as close to my guy friend as I am.
I can see how my boyfriend might be a little jealous, but there is nothing to be jealous of. I need help on how to explain to my boyfriend that my friend will be in my life no matter what, so my boyfriend should learn to coexist with him. -- Boyfriend Vs. Guy Friend, Philadelphia
DEAR BOYFRIEND VS. GUY FRIEND: It is not unusual for a boyfriend (or girlfriend) to be jealous of a close friend. It is also fairly common that one of the two friends has secret romantic feelings for the other -- even if they have gone unexpressed. This is why a partner could feel uneasy about such a close friendship.
Since you feel strongly that you want to keep this friend in your life, you need to work to neutralize the situation. The best way to do that is to have your boyfriend and guy friend get to know each other better. Include both of them in activities so that your boyfriend will come to feel comfortable about this guy friend. Tell them both that it is important to you that they get to know each other. Since they both love you, tell them this is necessary.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)