DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We’ve been doing things this way for a while now, and it is difficult. One of the biggest problems is scheduling trips to see each other. I recently returned from a weekend visit with him, but one of the things that has not left my mind is the fact that we don’t have another time scheduled to see each other. This may just be my planner-personality, but I always want to discuss when the next time we will see each other is going to be. My boyfriend, on the other hand, does not think this way. I want him to be the one to bring up scheduling another visit, or make a plan, but I don’t want to push him. What do I do? How do I get my significant other to start making our plans? -- The Planner, Portland, Oregon
DEAR THE PLANNER: You have to manage your expectations and understanding of how the two of you operate in your relationship. If you have always been the one to create the schedule, it is unrealistic to believe that suddenly your boyfriend will become that person. It is unfair to resent your boyfriend for behavior patterns that the two of you have established over time.
Talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Ask him if he would be willing to plan a visit or at least plan along with you. More likely to be successful, though, is if you speak up and talk about when you might see each other next. Be proactive, and if your boyfriend pushes back, tell him you would love for him to plan it, but since he hasn’t, you just want to map out a schedule.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)